Home · Questions and games for couples
170 Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend, Sorted by Stage and Mood
adoree Ask me in one tap
Key takeaways
- Match the question to your stage: curious and light when it's new, values and plans when it's getting serious, who she is now when you've been together for years.
- Then match the mood: fun, deep, flirty or future. One mood per night beats jumping around.
- Follow-up questions matter most. A 2017 Harvard study linked asking more follow-up questions with being liked more.
- Answer every question yourself. A conversation is a trade, not an interview.
- Skip trick questions and tests. If you want to know something, ask it plainly.
The short version
These are 170 questions to ask your girlfriend, sorted two ways. First by stage: new, getting serious, long-term and long distance. Then by mood: fun, deep, flirty but tasteful, and future. Pick the stage you're in, pick tonight's mood, and ask two or three questions properly instead of racing through twenty.
None of these are tests. The point of asking questions is to know her better, so every question here is one you should be happy to answer yourself.
| If you're... | Start with | Then try |
|---|---|---|
| A few dates in | New relationship | Fun |
| A few months in and it's real | Getting serious | Deep |
| Together for years | Long-term | Future |
| Apart for now | Long distance | Flirty but tasteful |
| Out of things to talk about | Fun | Things to talk about |
How to ask questions so she actually wants to answer
Ask fewer questions, and follow up on every answer. In a 2017 study of live conversations and speed dates, Karen Huang and colleagues at Harvard found that people who asked more questions, especially follow-up questions, were liked more, and speed daters who asked more follow-ups got more second dates. The first question opens the door. The follow-up shows you were listening.
Good follow-ups are short:
- "What was that like?"
- "Why do you think that stuck with you?"
- "Wait, tell me more about that part."
- "Has that changed since then?"
A few more habits help:
- Answer it yourself too. Take turns going first. A conversation is a trade.
- Go side by side. Walks, drives, cooking and long dinners make questions feel natural. Across a table can feel like an interview.
- Let her pass. Any question can be skipped, no reason needed.
- Don't be scared of the deep ones. People tend to overestimate how awkward a deep conversation will be, Kardas, Kumar and Epley found in 2022, and they underestimate how much the other person cares about what they share.
Questions to ask your girlfriend when it's new
Early on, curiosity is the whole game. Keep it light, specific and about her world.
- What's something you're looking forward to this month?
- What did you want to be when you were ten?
- What's your favorite way to spend a free Saturday?
- Which friend knows you best, and how did you meet?
- What's a small thing that instantly makes your day better?
- What's the best trip you've ever taken?
- What are you a little obsessed with right now?
- What's your go-to comfort food?
- Are you a morning person or a night person, honestly?
- What's a skill you'd love to learn?
- What's the last thing that made you laugh out loud?
- What's a movie you could rewatch forever?
- What was your family like growing up?
- What's something people get wrong about you at first?
- What's your favorite place in this city?
- What's a song you never skip?
- What did you think of me when we first met?
- What's the best advice anyone's ever given you?
- What's something you're proud of that you don't talk about much?
- What's your idea of a perfect date?
Questions to ask your girlfriend when it's getting serious
When it starts to feel real, the questions shift toward values, habits and how you'd fit into each other's lives. Ask these with genuine curiosity, not as a checklist.
- What does a good relationship look like to you?
- What did you learn about love from your parents?
- How do you like to be cared for when you're stressed?
- What's something you need in a relationship that you won't compromise on?
- How do you feel about meeting each other's families?
- How do you usually handle disagreements?
- What helps you feel close to me?
- How much time alone do you need to recharge?
- What does loyalty mean to you?
- How do you think about money: saver, spender, or somewhere in between?
- What's a past relationship lesson you're glad you learned?
- What are your friends like, and what do they mean to you?
- How do you feel about where you are in your career?
- What's something you're working on in yourself right now?
- What makes you feel respected?
- How do you like to celebrate birthdays?
- Is there anything you've been wanting to ask me?
- What's one thing I do that you really like?
- What's something I could do better?
- Where do you see us in a year?
Questions to ask your girlfriend in a long-term relationship
After a few years, it's easy to assume you already know the answers. You probably don't. People keep changing, and the picture you hold of a partner can freeze around the time you got serious.
- What's something you've changed your mind about recently?
- What's been on your mind this week that you haven't mentioned?
- What part of our life together do you love most right now?
- What's something we used to do that you miss?
- When do you feel most like yourself these days?
- What's a dream you've quietly put on hold?
- What's something you'd like more of from me this year?
- What's a memory of us you think about often?
- Is there a friendship you want to put more time into?
- What's stressing you out that I could help with?
- What's something new you'd like us to try together?
- How do you think we've changed since we met?
- What's a small habit of mine you secretly love?
- What does a really good week look like for you now?
- Is there anything you've stopped telling me because you assumed I knew?
- What are you proud of us for?
- What's one thing you'd like us to stop doing?
- Who do you want to become in the next five years?
- When did you last feel really appreciated by me?
- What would make our next anniversary feel special?
Long distance questions to ask your girlfriend
Long distance needs two kinds of questions: ones that bring her day closer, and ones that give you both something to look forward to. Video works well for the deeper ones. In a 2021 study by Susan Sprecher, people who got to know each other over video chat felt as close afterward as people who met face to face.
- What's the best thing you ate today?
- What does your room look like right now?
- What's something you saw this week that you wish I'd seen?
- What's the first thing we should do when we see each other?
- When do you miss me the most?
- What's helping you get through the distance?
- What's something I do on our calls that you love?
- What should we watch together next?
- What's a ritual you'd like us to have, even from far away?
- What's the hardest part of this for you right now?
- What's a place you'd love to visit together?
- How can I show up better for you from here?
- What song makes you think of me?
- What's something you're excited to show me in person?
- What does our life look like when we're finally in the same city?
Fun questions to ask your girlfriend
For lazy evenings, long drives, or when the conversation needs a laugh.
- If you could have any job for one day, what would it be?
- What's the weirdest food combination you secretly love?
- Which fictional character are you most like?
- What would your walk-up song be?
- If our relationship were a movie, what genre would it be?
- What's the most useless talent you have?
- If you could only eat one cuisine forever, which one?
- What's your most irrational fear?
- Which celebrity would you want as a best friend?
- What would you name a pet sloth?
- What's the funniest thing that happened to you as a kid?
- What's your karaoke song?
- If you won the lottery, what's the first ridiculous thing you'd buy?
- What's the worst haircut you've ever had?
- Would you rather live in a treehouse or a houseboat?
- What app could you delete without missing it?
- What's the strangest dream you remember?
- What's a trend you'd bring back?
- Who would play you in a movie about your life?
- What's the most "you" thing you've ever done?
Deep questions to ask your girlfriend
Save these for an unhurried night with your phones in another room. Ask one, stay with it, and answer it yourself too. For more, our deep questions to ask your partner go further, sorted by theme and depth.
- What's something you've never said out loud?
- Who shaped who you are the most?
- What are you most afraid of losing?
- When did you last feel really understood?
- What's a hard time you came out of stronger?
- What do you wish people asked you about more often?
- What's something you're still trying to forgive?
- What does home feel like to you?
- What do you need from me when you're having a hard day?
- What's a belief you hold that most people around you don't?
- What makes you feel safe with someone?
- What's one thing you'd tell your younger self?
- When do you feel lonely, even around people?
- What part of yourself do you hide most often?
- What gives your life meaning right now?
- What's a moment that changed how you see the world?
- How do you want to be remembered?
- What do you think you deserve more of?
- What's something about you that you hope I never stop noticing?
- What scares you about us, if anything?
Flirty but tasteful questions to ask her
Flirty questions are about making her feel wanted and enjoying each other, not pushing. Read the room: if she's laughing along, keep going. If not, move on.
- When did you first think I was cute?
- What's the best kiss we've ever had?
- What's something I wear that you like?
- What's your favorite thing about being close to me?
- What was going through your head on our first date?
- What's a compliment from me that stuck with you?
- Where would you want me to take you on a surprise date?
- What's the most romantic thing anyone's done for you?
- What would our perfect lazy Sunday look like?
- What's your favorite memory of us dressed up?
- What's something I do that makes you blush?
- When do I look the most attractive to you?
- What's a song you'd want us to slow dance to?
- If we had a whole day with no plans, how would you want to spend it with me?
- What's one thing you'd like me to do more often?
Future questions to ask your girlfriend
These are the ones to ask once you're both invested. Think of the answers as a picture of what you each hope for, and expect that picture to change over time.
- Where do you see yourself in five years?
- Where would you love to live someday?
- How do you feel about marriage?
- Do you want kids? How do you picture family life?
- What does a happy retirement look like to you?
- How do you want to split chores when we live together?
- What's a big adventure you want to have before you're 40?
- How important is it to you to live near family?
- What are your career dreams, even the unrealistic ones?
- How do you feel about pets?
- What traditions would you want us to start?
- How do you picture an ordinary Tuesday in ten years?
- What would you want us to save up for?
- What does a good life mean to you?
- What's one thing you want us to always protect, no matter what?
Things to talk about with your girlfriend
Not every good conversation starts with a question. When you're out of ideas, these things to talk about with your girlfriend work almost any night. The trick is to be specific.
| Topic | Instead of... | Try... |
|---|---|---|
| Her day | "How was your day?" | "What was the best and worst part of today?" |
| Plans | "What do you want to do?" | "Pick: a picnic, a new restaurant or a movie night?" |
| Media | "Seen anything good?" | "What's the last thing you read or watched that you can't stop thinking about?" |
| People | "How's your friend?" | "How did that thing with your sister turn out?" |
| Memories | "Remember when...?" | "What's your favorite memory from last summer?" |
| Small decisions | "Whatever you want." | "Let's choose one new recipe to cook this week." |
A few more topics that rarely run dry:
- A place you've both been wanting to try.
- The best and worst thing that happened this week.
- A news story one of you found interesting.
- A podcast episode one of you liked.
- Plans for the next long weekend.
- Something new one of you learned at work.
- A friend's news, good or bad.
- A goal one of you is working toward.
- A childhood memory something reminded you of.
- What you'd each do with a free afternoon tomorrow.
- A tradition from your families you'd keep.
- A recipe you want to try together.
- A show you want to start together.
- Something you're grateful for today.
- A small change that would make your week easier.
Questions to skip, and what to ask instead
Some lists online include "trick questions" to see if she's lying or cheating. Skip them. A question used as a trap teaches her that talking to you is risky, and that's the opposite of what you want. If something's worrying you, ask it plainly and kindly.
| Skip | Ask instead |
|---|---|
| Trick questions to catch her out | "Is something going on? I'd rather just ask." |
| "How many people have you been with?" | "Is there anything from your past you'd want me to know?" |
| "Am I better than your ex?" | "What feels different about us?" |
| "Would you leave me if...?" | "What makes you feel secure with me?" |
| "Why are you being like this?" | "You seem off today. Want to talk, or want space?" |
And ten questions to ask her about yourself, if you're brave:
- What's something I do that you wish I'd stop?
- When do I make you feel most loved?
- What's one thing I could do to make your week easier?
- Do I listen well when you're upset?
- What's a habit of mine that confuses you?
- What's something about me you'd like to understand better?
- What's something you've wanted to tell me but haven't?
- What do I do that makes you laugh the most?
- How do I act when I'm stressed?
- What's one thing you'd love for me to surprise you with?
Make it a game instead of a list
If sitting across from each other with a list feels forced, turn the questions into a game. Writing answers separately and revealing them together takes the pressure off, because nobody has to go first.
That's how the couple games inside Adoree work. Adoree is an AI relationship assistant that each of you talks to privately, by voice or text. There are 12 couple games built in, picked for you two, and each of you plays on your own phone. Answers reveal only once you've both answered, then Adoree adds a short note on what your answers say about the two of you. How Well Do You Know Me?, Two Truths & a Wish and Perfect Saturday Swap are good places to start. The games need a connected partner. You can read more about the people behind Adoree.
Want the most famous list of all? Try the 36 questions to fall in love, from a 1997 study on how closeness forms. Every list we have lives in the questions and games hub.
Frequently asked questions
What are good questions to ask your girlfriend?
Good questions are open and about her, not yes-or-no checks. Try 'What's something you're looking forward to this month?', 'What did you want to be when you were ten?', 'When do you feel most like yourself?' and 'What's one thing I do that makes you feel cared for?' Then ask a follow-up before moving on.
What are deep questions to ask your girlfriend?
Deep questions ask about her inner world: 'What's something you've never said out loud?', 'What are you most afraid of losing?', 'Who shaped who you are most?' and 'What do you need from me when you're having a hard day?' Ask them on an unhurried night, and answer them yourself too.
What should I talk about with my girlfriend?
Talk about her day in detail, plans you're both looking forward to, something you each read or watched, people in your lives, and small decisions you can make together, like a trip or a recipe. The best things to talk about with your girlfriend are specific and current, not just how was your day.
What are flirty questions to ask your girlfriend?
Flirty questions should feel playful, not pushy. Try 'When did you first think I was cute?', 'What's the best kiss we've had?', 'What's something I wear that you like?' or 'What would our perfect lazy Sunday look like?' Read the room and keep it light if she isn't playing along.
What questions should I ask my girlfriend in a long-distance relationship?
Ask questions that bring her day closer: 'What's the best thing you ate today?', 'What does your room look like right now?', 'What's something you wish I'd seen this week?' and 'What should we do first when we see each other?' Video calls work well for deeper questions.
How do I ask my girlfriend questions without it feeling like an interview?
Ask one or two questions, not twenty. Answer each one yourself, take turns going first, and follow up on what she says instead of moving to the next question. Walks, drives and cooking together make questions feel natural. Turning questions into a game also takes the pressure off.
Ask, answer, reveal together.
Adoree has 12 couple games built in, picked for you two. Each of you answers on your own phone, the answers reveal once you've both played, and Adoree adds a note about what they say about you.
Talk to Adoree →Ask Adoree
You just read about it. Now tell me yours — I'll tell you what it's really about.
More on this: Questions and games for couples, every guide in one place →
References
- It Doesn't Hurt to Ask: Question-Asking Increases Liking. Huang, Yeomans, Brooks, Minson and Gino, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 113(3), 430-452 (2017). https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000097
- Overly Shallow?: Miscalibrated Expectations Create a Barrier to Deeper Conversation. Kardas, Kumar and Epley, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 122(3) (2022). https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000281
- Closeness and other affiliative outcomes generated from the Fast Friends procedure. Sprecher, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 38(5), 1452-1471 (2021). https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407521996055