Relationship Counselling in the UK: Relate, the NHS and Private Counsellors

Most couples who search for relationship counselling have already had the same argument more times than they can count. You love each other. You just can't seem to talk about the thing without it going sideways.

Here is how relationship counselling actually works in the UK right now: who offers it, what it costs today, what the NHS will and won't do, and what to do between sessions so the hour you pay for goes further. Every price below comes from the provider's own website, checked in November 2026.

What are your options for relationship counselling in the UK?

You have four main routes. Relate, the largest charity for this, charges by household income. Other charities include Marriage Care, Relationships Scotland and Relate NI. Private counsellors set their own fees and are found through the BACP and UKCP directories. The NHS only helps couples in a narrow case: when one partner has depression.

Couples counselling, marriage counselling and relationship counselling are the same work under three names. You do not need to be married. Relate says it sees people who are single, married, living together, LGBTQIA+ or non-monogamous.

How does Relate counselling work, and what does it cost?

Relate counselling starts with an initial assessment, then usually runs six to twelve sessions. In England and Wales, fees are set by household income, from £65 a session for households under £30,000 to £145 above £110,001. Booking is online for the first assessment, or by phone on 0300 100 1234 (0300 003 2340 in Wales).

These are Relate's fees as listed on its FAQ page today. Some older pages still quote £55 as the lowest fee. Relate's own page lists £65 today.

A few things worth knowing before you book:

• Most sessions are remote. Relate's face-to-face appointments are currently offered in Bedford and Brighton only, so for most couples Relate means a video or phone session.
• There are shorter options. One session therapy costs £75 for 50 minutes and suits couples with one specific issue, such as disagreements over parenting or the in-laws. Chat with a counsellor costs £45 for 25 minutes, but it is for one person only.
• Some people get it free. Relate offers up to six funded sessions to people who work, or have worked, in sectors covered by partners such as the Bank Workers Charity, Grocery Aid, the Licensed Trade Charity, the Charity for Civil Servants and the armed forces charities.
• Cancellations need 48 hours' notice, or the session is not refunded.

Relate is honest that counselling is not a magic fix. Its own page says some couples come out stronger, and others realise that separating is the better path. Both count as an outcome.

Can you get couples counselling on the NHS?

Usually not for relationship problems on their own. The NHS says it only offers counselling for certain mental health conditions, such as depression. The exception: if one partner is depressed, NHS Talking Therapies in England lists couple therapy for depression among its treatment options, and you can refer yourself.

NHS England names couple therapy for depression (CTfD) or behavioural couple therapy (BCT) as one of the NICE-recommended options for depression. The NHS also says the type of therapy you can get depends on what you need and what is available in your area, so ask your local service directly whether it offers couple work.

To refer yourself, you need to be registered with a GP and aged 18 or over (16 in some areas). You can find your local service on the NHS website. You do not need a diagnosis first.

The NHS also says you may be able to get free counselling through your employer, school or university, or from a charity, so it is worth asking HR.

How do you find a private couples counsellor near you?

Search the BACP Therapist Directory or the UKCP register by postcode, then filter for couples or relationship work. Check that whoever you choose is registered, because in the UK anyone can call themselves a counsellor. Fees are set by each counsellor, so ask before the first session.

The two directories:

• BACP Therapist Directory. BACP says its directory lists over 18,000 private therapists, and only registered or accredited members can advertise on it.
• UKCP Find a Therapist. The UKCP search has filters for couples and relationships. When we checked, the register was down for maintenance and UKCP was confirming registrations by email instead.

On cost, BACP says more than half of the listings on its directory advertise between £40 and £60 a session, and many offer a free introductory session or lower rates for people on low incomes. That figure covers all therapists, not only couples specialists, so treat it as a floor. At Tavistock Relationships, a London charity that specialises in couples, qualified therapists charge £100 to £200 a session depending on experience, with lower-cost sessions available from supervised trainees.

BACP also recommends agreeing fees, cancellation terms and how you pay in a written contract before you start.

What happens in the first relationship counselling session?

The first session is mostly about fit. The counsellor asks what brought you in, hears from each of you, and checks whether they are the right help. At Relate, couples have a joint session first, then a 50-minute session split into two 25-minute individual slots, one each.

That individual slot is mandatory at Relate. It gives each of you room to say what you might not say with your partner sitting there. Relate's assessment page also explains how it handles domestic abuse: where abuse is entrenched or puts a partner or children at risk, a specialist service is the better route, and it will point you to one.

Expect the counsellor to listen far more than they advise. The NHS describes counsellors as people who listen without judgement, try to see things from your point of view, and help you find your own solutions. They do not usually tell you what to do.

If you want a fuller walk-through of what the hour feels like, our guide to what to expect in your first couples therapy session goes step by step.

If you are frightened of your partner, you can call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, free and in confidence, 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247.

How do you choose the right relationship counsellor?

Pick someone you can both talk to honestly, who works with couples regularly and is on a recognised register. Ask three questions on the first call: how much of their work is with couples, what they do when one partner wants out and the other doesn't, and whether they ever see each of you alone.

One more test: after the first session, ask each other privately whether you both felt heard. If one of you felt ganged up on, say so to the counsellor. A good one will take it seriously.

What should you do between counselling sessions?

Much of the change happens in the days between sessions. Try the thing you agreed on. Notice when the old pattern starts. Write down what set it off, so you bring the real moment back to the next session instead of a vague summary.

Three habits that help:

1. Keep a short note of flashpoints. A line or two each time: what happened, what you felt, what you did next. Counsellors work far better with a fresh example than a general complaint.
2. Do the homework, even badly. If you were asked to try a ten-minute check-in, do a clumsy one. A half-done attempt gives you something real to talk about next time.
3. Don't relitigate the session in the car. Give it a few hours. The hardest things said in the room usually land better after a gap.

This is where many couples get stuck. The fight happens on a Tuesday night, the next session is ten days away, and there is nobody to talk it through with at 11pm. That gap is what Adoree is built for. Adoree is an AI relationship assistant each of you talks to privately, by voice or text, at any hour. Each of you has your own private space, and your partner can't read your conversations without your consent. Adoree remembers what you have been working on, helps you find words for what you feel before you say it, and keeps the thread going between appointments, so you walk into the next session with the actual moment in hand.

It works alongside counselling. A counsellor brings training and a room. Adoree is there for the other 167 hours of the week. If you are in the UK, Adoree for the UK has British examples and UK support lines built in.

For more on costs, approaches and alternatives, see our hub on couples therapy and counselling.